This journey back started quite some time ago. At the time however, I didn't realize I'd gone. And when I started back, I actually thought I was leaving. Bored, stifled, unchallenged, beat down, oppressed; I decided to leave - mentally. It would be easy enough I thought, just detach myself mentally from the thing that I'd associated myself with for most of my adult life - and just go through the motions. It would be easier that way. Less stressful. Less painful. Just get up each morning, plaster a smile on my face and do it. At the end of the day, return home and don't even think about it for the rest of the night. It seemed like the most brilliant of all plans at the time. Work. It's where I would go. It would no longer be who I am.
With the plan in place, I spent several months grieving the loss of the thing that had once defined my very soul. If I was no longer that place - that company - that work - then what was I? I knew I was a wife, a mother, a sister, an aunt, a cousin, a friend, a breadwinner, a cook, and so on and so forth. But who was I? Because for such a long period of time - I was a career woman. After several months of crying and grieving and receiving counsel from my husband, I was convinced that I wasn't a career woman any longer. That was who I used to be. Now I would be ME. That wife, that mother, that friend, and I would write - a passion I long ago deserted and never pursued. I would go to work every day, earn my keep and write by night. I would blog my way into a new ME.
Every Sunday morning I would wake up with a lump in my throat and a sense of dread looming over me. The weekend was almost over and the following day I would have to return to work. And I would cry. And the anxiety would be so high by noon, that I would start drinking to forget and to ease the fear and gloom. And on Monday morning, off I would march - into the office. To sit. And be. Most of my staff annoyed me so I learned that if I either closed my office door or wore my earbuds and listened to music, the day would seem happier - shorter - more bearable. And as I sat, I would watch the clock. Wishing the day away. Wishing the next day away, wishing it would be Thursday so the wretched work week would be over and I could really get on to my life. And I blogged. About whatever caught my fancy. But never about work. I think I may have posted 3 or 4 pretty funny entries about work - none of them nice, but all comical to the point I would crack myself up. Then my better judgement would get ahold of me and I'd pull the posts from public view.
Then one day it hit me. It wasn't the job that I hated. It wasn't the people I hated. It wasn't the boss, or the board or the clients. It was ME - and who I'd let myself become. And it was the CULTURE of this place that was causing me to drown in boredom and misery. And my actions and persona were rubbing off on my staff. And I was allowing the annoying behavior of the few dictate the atmosphere for the whole. And that's when I somehow - and it has to be through the grace of God because nothing else can explain it - tripped across ROWE - Results Only Work Environment. You can read all about it at http://www.gorowe.com/. Now - the moment I researched their website I was sold. I was re-energized - I had HOPE - which is something I had not had as it pertained to my job in a very very long time. This blog serves to document my journey back - to the person I was - only improved - before I almost lost my soul to corporate America. I'm not naiive - I don't think for a single moment this journey back will be easy. But I want to be a pioneer - and pioneers never had it easy - but we sure can sit back and thank them for all their hardship and endurance so we can live the lives we do today, can't we?
In this journey I hope to not only change my life, but the lives of others - both at my place of work, and at home. I want my kids to be inspired by what I do - not perplexed at why I continue to do something that makes me miserable. I want to greet the day with a genuine smile and embrace it on every level. I want to feel part of something bigger. I want to positively impact someone every single day of my life. And sitting behing a closed office door, listening to music on my iPhone and putting in my solid 8 won't get me there. I hope you will enjoy taking this journey with me and I hope that in some ways, I can inspire my readers through my story that will no doubt illustrate preserverance.
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